The Wii fit is a judgmental bastard.

People are so weird. I know this, because I often feel even more strange than the people I interact with. 

What are some of the bizarre things you think that you choose not to say aloud? You can comment anonymously if you feel awkward about it. Or shy. Or are planning to take over the world and would rather not be found out by the government (because those fuckers totally monitor this blog, due to it's insane abundance of pertinent information). 

There's a fun new post coming soon (that's called a teaser). Until then, I'm going to wait for comments and post the most awesome one. Bring it, bitches. Xoxo

Take out your suck it and you SUCK IT! (Suck it!) SUCK IT! (Suck it!)

Do you ever have one of those exhausting days where you feel like everyone is conspiring against you, and that people secretly feel generally annoyed whenever you walk into a room, and no matter what you do in or with your life you'll be wrong? And then, if you even CONSIDER talking to anyone about these odd, unfounded thoughts they choose the moment you approach them to talk about this whiny friend of theirs, or how needy this or that person is, or how busy/irritated/exhausted beyond the point of caring about anything they are? So then you just isolate yourself, feeling bad for doing so but knowing that being around people would make you feel even more upset, despite there being no reason at all for thinking/feeling the way you do?

Well, I never have days like that. And if I did, today most CERTAINLY wouldn't be one of them. And if it were, I would NEVER passive-aggressively moan and groan about it on my blog.***

Anytime I find myself feeling upset about nothing in particular (and, often, when I actually have a reason for being upset) I end up feeling guilty about it. Not the, "I just stabbed and buried a man that I thought was trying to kill me, and then found out he was just coming to give me a hug and tell me I'm awesome" kind of guilty. Just the, "I have a place to live, food, friends and dogs that love me, a cat that has yet to murder me in my sleep, a nice car, and am able to continue going to college full-time, so what the fuck is my problem" kind of guilty.

I suppose I ought to paint a lot and drink a little (wait, reverse that) and try to get out of my head (without the use of hallucinogens, of course).


I've decided to post a list of things that make me feel better when I'm being ridiculous like this. Maybe, hopefully, I can help pull someone else out of a similar, pointless funk.

-I love Bjork. She's hysterical, and an incredible musician. One thing that I love slightly more than Bjork is when people do impressions of Bjork. The best I've seen so far is right here.

-One of my FAVORITE comedians is a man named Dylan Moran. He has some awesome stand up that you can find around the internet, but his best work (in my opinion) is a series he wrote and starred in. It's called Black Books, and it's absolutely hysterical. The first episode isn't the best ever, but every episode has something to offer.

-Web comics make me happy, too. I have two that are my absolute, without a doubt favorites. There's Rock, Paper, Cynic, which is always one panel with brilliant text.  The other is Darwin Carmichael is Going to Hell. It's more story-oriented, so it's best to start at the beginning of that one. But it's awesome. My favorite is Skittles, the manticore.

Okay, that's enough for now. I'm going to listen to some Dylan Moran stand-up and find my art stuff. Though finding the sites for all of my favorite things (in order to link them) has made me feel much better already.

I promise, my next post will be FAR more entertaining than the past two. Happy Wednesday!

***These three statements are entirely untrue. 

Undead P.S.

While I'm here (here being "online, playing with the blog", not "on the planet" or "still alive" or anything like that) I ought to go ahead and post the zombie painting I did of my dad (if you're confused, I'm talking about THIS).

It turned out fairly badass. I dangled my actual, from-my-mouth-to-your-art adult tooth from some black yarn that I painted red, and then pulled the yarn through the canvas and tied a knot in the back.

So here it is, with my dad, in all its glory.

 

Okay, now I seriously have to go get ready for my evening of debauchery. 

If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong, maybe it would help us get along.

I went to the birthday party of a friend Wednesday night, and found myself involved in a discussion about racism. Apparently, the guy I was talking to takes things WAY too seriously. It didn't help that he was a complete and total hipster. He even had the Captain Hook mustache, and the cheap, tacky, fur-lined earmuff cap. Poor sad, cookie-cutter hipster kid.


This whole conversation started with a rather hysterical (and quite racist) joke that I found far more amusing than he considered to be in good taste. As we sat down outside and the conversation inevitably turned toward the awful, serious racism that can be found in the world, all I could think was that it was a shame that I couldn't just break into the song from Avenue Q, and follow him around for the remainder of the evening, yelling singing it at him.


Now, I understand that racism still exists in this far from perfect world. I understand that people have to deal with all kinds of judgments and assumptions that are imposed upon them by others. I understand that that isn't exactly considered fun, or right, or good. I mean, shit. I'm a white girl that grew up in Atlanta. Just like everyone on the planet, I know what it feels like to be ostracized.


(I think Jane Elliot showed the effects of racism best. She's amazing. Watch this if you haven't seen it. Hell, watch it if you have.)

Haha, the dude in the foreground even has the same curly mustache!

Thing is, I also know that things are only worth the value you assign to them. It's like art. Or politics. (Upon comparing racism to art or politics, the kid that was arguing with me went off. "WHAT?! You think that racism, art, and politics are all the same thing?! What's WRONG with you?!" Dude, the only thing wrong with me is that I lack the freeze ray from Despicable Me, because that's CLEARLY the only way I will get you to LISTEN.) If people feel a piece of art is worth $X, they'll spend $X on it. If not, the piece becomes worth whatever the next person that comes along is willing to pay for it. In politics, a politician is only worth the people standing behind him/her. Without the people that support you as a political figure, you're not going to be elected.


That being said, I feel like racism is something that ought to be seen as so ridiculous and archaic that all you can do is write it off or laugh about it. It shouldn't be treated with solemnity, or slight, inward gasps, or eyes darting back and forth, or whispers. That gives racism power. It allows the serious, offensive racists to feel they have sway, and are correct in their judgments. That's bullshit. Instead, people ought to stop taking shit so seriously. Life isn't about covering our ears and wearing blinders when things make us uncomfortable. It's about fleshing it out and learning WHY they make us uncomfortable, and then dealing with them. So either meet racism with a laugh and not a second thought, or (if it's serious/violent/out of hand) meet it with a firm "No, this isn't how the world works anymore," and change that situation.


I tried explaining this, but I think my logic made the hipster-brains in Captain Tightpants Jr.'s head melt a little. He started spouting off random words that had nothing to do with what I was talking about. Maybe he was hoping to confuse me long enough to change the subject. The last intelligible word that he used incorrectly was "existentialist", as in: he was an existentialist and therefore felt as though racism was to be treated as something that either doesn't exist or is far too horrific to joke about. Unfortunately, choosing to argue where lines ought to be drawn, with a perfect stranger, no less, is not existential in the least.

ex·is·ten·tial·ism [eg-zi-sten-shuh-liz-uhm]
–noun; a philosophical attitude associated esp. with Heidegger, Jaspers, Marcel, and Sartre, and opposed to rationalism and empiricism, that stresses the individual's unique position as a self-determining agent responsible for the authenticity of his or her choices.


So, you see, his disagreeable and judgmental words (and general attitude) go entirely against his so-called "existential way of life". If you believe that everyone, as unique creatures, has the right to think whatever they want, how can you possibly argue something that's so ridiculous to such an extent?


Fucking doucher (I'm so eloquent when people piss me off).

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So, anyway, apologies for the lack of humor in this post. I just hate it when people perpetuate and give strength to anything negative, and then argue about how their doing that is supposed to help the situation. Why can't we just accept that everyone is a person, and that that's all that matters? Why does everything always have to be SO FUCKING difficult??? Ugh.

Well, tomorrow is my birthday. Tonight I'm being kidnapped by my darling TeriWife and SnarkMinion and taken to The Clermont in honor of said birthday. I'm hoping the rest of the weekend is just as full of crass, dirty, drunken shenanigans (at least until dinner with my parents and grandparents on Sunday).

Love to all. Best wishes and all that. And remember, Depeche Mode said it best. xoxo

Snow Day; it's more than just a shitty movie from the mid-90s.

Late Sunday night, as I was up working on art and getting my shit together for the start of classes at GSU, I had an amazing view of the gathering snow from my front window. I smiled, because my furnace was fixed, I had food in the fridge, and my dogs were safe at home. "What could go wrong?" I thought to myself.

Monday morning, the snow was about 6.5" deep. It was the most snow I had seen in Atlanta since 1993. The sun came out, melting the top of the snow so it refroze into ice. Then I let the dogs out. Because Lucy is so giant and built like a deer, the scene in the back yard went almost exactly like THIS. It was one of the most hysterical moments of her life. She loved it, though.

Then I went out to check on the car. Because I live on a hill, there was no way in hell I was going to attempt to move my car. It would have been like trying to climb up a slide wearing only socks (and don't deny it, you know you've tried that at least once in your life). So I made some food, and settled in for the day.

Tuesday, classes were canceled. My car was still surrounded by ice. It looked as though no one on my street had even tried to leave their place. People getting cabin fever all around Atlanta started attempting to venture out. A lot of them failed, and ended up abandoning their cars on the interstate. I managed to get out of the house and down the street without busting my ass, and went for a long walk to cool my claustrophobic nerves.

By Wednesday, the whopping 10 snow plows we have here had cleared a lot of main roads and interstates. Unfortunately, neighborhoods and maybe 40% of surface streets were still really dangerous. In an effort to keep me from going completely mad, a friend of mine braved the ice and drove the 30 minutes to my house. He had to park a few streets down, but I didn't care. I grabbed the dogs, a backpack of clothes, my art supplies, and high-tailed it out of there.

The roads are now less insane, but people here in Atlanta seem to want to continue driving like they're half-drunk, half-retarded, and entirely lacking an awareness of common rules of the road. Morons.

So now, until next time, I'm going to go paint some more, maybe eat something, and take solace in the patches of grass that I can FINALLY see outside.

Oh, and for all of you bitching about the snow, realize it only sucks because it kills our roads. Were we prepared, the snow would have been AWESOME. Plus, Lucy's ice-capades more than made up for the inability to use my car. Crazy giant dog.

Better 10 days late than never, that's what I always say.

Hi! It's a new fucking year! How exciting! In honor of the new year, I have made a few resolutions.

Why did it take the calendar year changing for me to try to better myself?  I don't know. I blame peer pressure. And, for the record, I also blame a lack of peer pressure to better myself the other 364 days of the year.  Damn, my friends need to quit slacking. Either that, or they just think I'm already perfect and awesome.

Okay, yeah, they probably need to step up their game.

So, about those resolutions. My life has been tumultuous at best lately. Though, one good thing about that is that I get to over-use the word "tumultuous". It's one of my favorite words. I think it's because the word itself reminds me of Templeton (the rat from Charlotte's Web, for those of you not up to date on your animated, supporting movie personalities from 1973). He had the best song ever. 

I rarely make New Years' resolutions. I always felt as though people only made New Years' resolutions because they were expected to change faults they could no longer deny. And most people just hope their friends and family will forget about New Years' promises (which hold less meaning than normal promises) by the time the resolution is given up on. By April Fools' Day people are right back to the way they were December 31st. Well, not exactly the way they were. They almost always have some strange, lingering  pretentiousness because at least they tried to do some soul-searching/ fix a personal flaw/ change a bad habit. Screw the outcome, right? A for effort and all of that.

This year, however, I have decided to jump on the Holier Than Thou Bandwagon and make a few promises I more than likely won't keep (though I will scoff and look down my nose at others because of the superiority gained by my frail attempt at bettering myself).

And so, without further sarcasm or general passive-aggressive bullshit (haha, see what I did, there?), my New Years' Resolutions:

1. I will not allow anything to keep me from the grades I want this semester.
2. I will make the time to write in this blog. That time will be enough to allow me to post weekly, at least. I'm making this resolution because this is something I enjoy, but that I let myself neglect in order to do less fun, but slightly more responsible things. I think I can make time for both.
3. I will keep and maintain a budget (by "maintain", I mean "actually, seriously, FOR REALSIES maintain". I totally suck at handling money. I want to change that).
4. I will be a good dog-mommy. That means walking at LEAST twice a week, regardless of weather, and also at LEAST one trip to the Piedmont dogpark per week. I mean, shit. It's like 5 minutes away.
5. I will make up my mind. On everything that I can. One of my biggest fears is being trapped in monotony. That fear causes me to avoid making decisions and commitments, and decisions and commitments can be amazing, wonderful, fun things. I'm going to start small, like by deciding whether I want to paint a wall in my bedroom or re-paint the bathroom (I hate painting walls when I'm not doing murals. Did someone say boring? Oh, yeah. It was my sense of creativity), or by choosing to wear the first outfit I put on, instead of pending 15 minutes putting on and taking off clothes before leaving the house in what was my first choice. Or by going an entire 30-minute drive without hitting the next button on my iPhone (I put the damn songs on the phone. Why do I love them when selecting them, and HATE them when in the car?).
6. I will get up (ON TIME) and walk to the train once a week, instead of driving my car to class, however begrudgingly. I mean, shit, it's the same cost to park at school as it is to take the train. Greedy, sMarta bastards.

Has anyone else made any resolutions this year? You know, if you think about it, it's your last year to make a resolution and keep it according to hysterics and Nostradamus.

I have so many other stories and things to share that I've written about in my notebook but not had the time or energy to write about here. For now, I'm going to go find my paints, snuggle with my dogs, and nurse my whiskey. Love to all. You're perfect with and without your resolutions. And happy day.