3 weeks on the AT - Part 1

I started hiking on March 8th. My dad drove me from Atlanta up to the NOC.

During that first weekend, I learned a couple things. My pack was WAY too heavy (so I sent a lot of stuff back). Hammocking is cold as shit unless you do it properly. Hikers are amazing people with amazing stories, and a kind word for everyone. And your ass will wake up with the sun, no matter what your normal sleeping schedule is like. 

I met a few really awesome people that first night on the trail. I ran into them again at the Fontana Dam shelter. My hike up to Fontana Dam that first week was the longest I had done, clocking in at 12.7 miles. About halfway up, I had to just stop and sit down out of sheer frustration. The inclines were hell, my body wasn't happy with all this new activity, I was hot and sunburned and exhausted. 

A man that lives in Fontana and runs shuttles for hikers was out on a day hike, and he came across me sitting on a rock, halfway to the summit, and very upset. We got to chatting. I told him about my frustration, and my uncertainty as to whether going on a long hike was a good idea (or if I could even accomplish the rest of that day's hike, much less weeks). We talked about his hiking eperience, and how conversations always turned to food on the trail. I said all I wanted was a cold Coke.

The conversation calmed me down fairly quickly. He gave me the card for his shuttle company, handed me an apple (which, at that moment, was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten in the history of my life), and gave me some encouragement before heading up the mountain. 

Then one of the older men I met on my first night, RedLeg, came up the hill. He and I hiked together for the rest of the day. He told me about how he thinks he's one of the slowest hikers on the trail. He said I shouldn't push myself to the point of being frustrated. The trail isn't going anywhere. The mountains aren't going anywhere. And getting upset or sad or discouraged was the exact opposite of what a trip like this is supposed to make you feel. He joked about "resting steps", where he tries to take the smallest, slowest steps possible to catch his breath. 

The approach to Fontana had a road crossing about 2 miles before you hit the shelter. RedLeg's son met us there because the two of them were going to go out to dinner that evening. On the steps leading down to the road, there was a 20 oz of Coke, with a note taped to it that just said, "Locke". It made the last 2 miles so much easier, just because it was the sweetest gesture, as well as my first experience with Trail Magic. 

We all got to Fontana Dam, and there were a few people I had already met hanging out. One thing that's awesome about the Fontana Dam shelter is that it has a bathroom with a hot shower. That's why they call it The Hilton. And that shower was amazing. 

I did laundry, we all talked and ate dinner, and everyone went to sleep. 

The next day was lovely. I hung up all my clothes, got some things in town, and did some reading. A good amount of hikers showed up that afternoon, as did Fresh Grounds. 

Fresh Grounds slackpacks up the trail every year, running the Leapfrog Cafe out of his car. He brings a portable stove, and all kinds of food and coffee and sodas and everything. He brought some chicken, potato salad, fresh rolls, and more soda and gatorade than anyone could consume. It was an amazing evening.

We got a great group, and made a huge fire that night. The wind from the storm knocked down half of a tree, so no one had to go looking for firewood. Then another Trail Angel showed up, with fried chicken and fruits and a cheesecake. 

I ate so much that night I thought I was going to explode. 

After two nights at Fontana, I was finally ready to attempt the snow-covered smokys. 

I fucking hate the smokys. 

More later. I'm off to bed. 

3 weeks on the AT - Intro

I left for the trail on March 8th. I planned to spend 6 weeks hiking. I had never done anything more than a 3 day camping trip (though I did a decent amount of day hikes leading up to my departure). I was dropped off at the NOC. My hopes were to make it to the Greyson Highlands by the end of my hike.

In the three weeks I spent on the trail, I met a ton of incredible people. I hiked 12.7 miles on my third day. My all time best day was over 16 miles. I did some night hiking. I only saw one snake, and he was irritable and adorable. I wandered through the snow-covered smokies. I woke up in the middle of the night one evening to coyotes yipping and howling next to the shelter I was trying to sleep in. I didn't see any bears, but I heard some incredible stories about them. I also heard some incredible stories about things other than bears. I tented with some amazing people, and found myself in a winter wonderland the next morning (long after the smokies, thank god, because the smokies totally blow). I sang show tunes at the top of my lungs while wandering alone up and down mountains. I discovered that the most difficult thing I will ever have to overcome is myself. I ate the shittiest, most delicious food without a thought (hello Snickers bars and honey buns!) and still came home 20 lbs lighter.

The view of the lake at Fontana Dam, as the snowstorm started to hit the Smokys.

I have so many stories I want to share. I also have a new perspective on a lot of things. I'm going to share some of my experiences here, I suppose. It's as good a place as any.

I don't want to come off as some preachy asshole, though. I mean, really, how much can one person grow and learn in the course of just several weeks?

Each story deserves its own entry. So there's more about my trip to come, very soon. I miss the trail something awful, and I'm hoping that writing about my experiences there will cushion the blow of being forced to come home early. I can't fucking wait to get back out there.

I can't seem to break the habit of waking up with the sun, and once it gets dark I start yawning. So, for now, I'm going to go snuggle my furbabies and get some sleep. It's WAY past hiker midnight.

-L

BIG NEWS!

I've been in quite the funk, lately. I was laid off, and felt unsure about what the fuck I'm doing and what paths I've chosen, or not chosen, etc.

I ended up being awake all night a few weeks ago. I just couldn't sleep. I was upset, and frustrated, and felt directionless.

I sat down and started painting, while listening to a favorite show of mine. The show mentioned something that led my train of thought to hiking. I've been doing a lot of hiking with Lucy lately, and my mind leapt to the Appalachian Trail.

I put down my paintbrush, got up, and started doing some research. I used to date a really interesting man named Nads. He has hiked the trail quite a bit. I recalled some of our conversations, and delved deeper into the plethora of information about hiking the trail that the internet provided.

After doing a fuckton of research, and figuring out whether or not I was able to pay my bills and fund the hike, I made a decision.

On March 8th, I will be dropped off at the start of the trail. My darling grandparents are going to buy the pack I was recently fitted for. I have probably 50% of the things I'll need. I'm going on overnight hikes between now and then. I'll be on the trail until Easter (4/20), when Ida will pick me up in Tennessee.

So that's what's up. I'm super excited, and terribly nervous. Six weeks on the trail will be difficult, and painful, and I'm determined to make it all the way through.

My friends Amanda and Kei-Won-Tia are able to loan me some supplies. If anyone else has any lightweight camping/hiking gear that I can steal, I'd be eternally grateful. Email me at LockeMiddleton@gmail.com. I'll cook you dinner, and totally bring that shit to you.

I'm so fucking excited.

All my love.
-L

It was recommended that I post a place for donations. I don't really like asking for money for anything, but if anyone feels a desire to help me with funding this 6 week adventure, I'm more than willing to provide the ability to do so. Also, for any and all contributions, I'll gladly offer drawings or art by request, or even photos of things I encounter on the trail. Or a combination of the two (meaning a photo of a sketch and personal message, with some insanely lovely woods in the background).

Regardless of whether you'd like to help fund this trip or not, my email address is listed above and you're more than welcome to request a shoutout from the AT. I'd love to oblige.

<3 p="">-L

"And they say that passing time is just a bastard. It collects our griefs... makes them into its coats."

I was recently laid off. I've found myself in one hell of a state of transition. Lucky for me, I can hold the fort financially for at least a couple months. And there are a few irons in the fire, in terms of finding a new position. Which is hopeful.

The thing is, this state of transition has given me far more time than I'm comfortable with. Time to reflect, and untangle any feelings or thoughts I've put on the back burner over the past year or two. It's been ages since I had so much time to just mull over all of the personal and emotional bullshit that I've previously ignored because I was far too busy just keeping up with life.

Now that I find myself with so much unoccupied time on my hands, I find my mind is forcing me to reexamine situations and relationships and conflict that I originally felt forced to gloss over during the last two+ years. 

Is this something that other people experience occasionally? This weird resurgence of emotions/situations/choices that weren't fully dealt with in their immediate past? It seems so bizarre to me. I'm not used to this overwhelming wave of my more recent, swept-under-the-rug personal history.

I find this unexpected introspection has been leaking into my dreams. I had a dream about an ex of mine just a few nights ago. It was so odd, and the situation involved was surreal. I miss his company on occasion, but, to be honest, I hadn't really thought about him for several months. The dream has stuck with me, and I find myself wondering how he's doing, and what his life is like these days. I wonder if things turned out the way he wanted, and if he's still the person I knew less than a year ago. 

And then I end up thinking about the other loves of my life. I wonder where they are in their plan for life. I wonder if they're happy. I wonder, if they aren't happy, what they would do to make themselves happy. I want to know if they have any thoughts in regards to how I might improve myself, or how they might have been more faithful to themselves during the relationships. 

[For the record, I don't think there's such a thing as one true love. I believe that all most love is true. The trick is finding a true love when you're both in a place to share that love, and grow in it together. In my head, it's like one person being a clutch and one person being an engine. You have to find that sweet spot when you let the clutch out, so the revolutions match up. If they don't you'll stall the engine. That doesn't mean you'll never be able to put the car in gear. It just means you need more time to figure out how your clutch works, and how to match your clutch with an engine.]

I know that romance and dating and "being involved" ought to be the last of my concerns at the moment. And believe me, it's close to the last of my current concerns. But I've just found myself missing these people that were so close to me for so very long. I'd love to learn from their perspectives of the experiences we had together, and gain some deep insight about how they grew from said experiences, or how they think I could grow from the same experiences. It would be grand to gain that new perspective from these people that knew me so incredibly well, and in so many different aspects. 

Maybe I should extend that desire for constructive criticism to my friends and family. The thing is, I loathe asking people for shit like that. "Oh, hey, what do you think of me and how I react to certain circumstances? What advice could you give me so I can be a better person?" 

That's ridiculous. The only world where I'm the main focus is the world I live in, in my head. I would feel like a self-centered asshole were I to ask anyone else (save a very small group of people) to comment on my feelings, or actions, or comment on how I'm perceived.

So, I suppose that I'll just keep on keeping on, for now. I'm not on the wrong path, but I'm not sure I'm on the right one, either. I just hope I can make it the right one, or see that it isn't before I'm stuck here. 

Love to you. 

People come into our lives for a reason

So, I was laid off. The club I worked for has had shit revenue lately, and the partners decided to sell the business, and get rid of all of their staff.

Happy new year to me, I have no job. Oh, and my birthday is in January, so I get to do that jobless, too. And pay for my cars tag registration. And get my license renewed. And apply for unemployment. Turning 27 is just the best, right?

I know I'm so much better off than many people that find themselves without work. I have an incredible group of friends. I have a stellar family. I have more support than most. But I still feel so terribly lost. The light at the end of my proverbial tunnel is getting fainter by the day. And that frustrates me to no end.

Usually, when I find myself frustrated, I spend time figuring out how to change the circumstances that led to said frustration. But, right now, I feel like I'm doing everything that can be done, and still failing at creating a solution. What else can I do to solve this problem? If I apply to all the open positions that I'm qualified for (and even some that are a bit out of my league), and I get no response, what else can I do?

I'm feeling more lost than I have in a while. And more frustrated.

I have so much in my life to be grateful for. Which makes my tragic feeling of hopelessness even worse.

Fuck.