Hello?... No, I'm writing a blog entry.... A BLOG ENTRY!... Nah, it's rubbish.

I recently started re-watching Lost. It was during the second episode that Sayid made a little speech about people tracking down batteries, and not using their electronics so they could save the power.

And then my brain was all, “You know what would be funny? If that dildo from HappyTrigger TV was there, with his comically giant cell phone.  It would be like, ‘Doo do do doo, doo do do dooo, doo do do doo doooooo….'

'HELLO?! HELLO?! No, I’m on an island! AN ISLAND! Yeah. Yeah the plane went down, some guy is giving a speech about batteries or something, it’s all rubbish. I SAID IT’S RUBBISH! Yeah, so what are you up to? Yeah? Wait, what?! HELLO?! HELLO?!!! Fuck. Phone’s dead.’”

I could just see everyone in the entire cast slowly turning their heads to look at him, with the most incredulous expressions on their faces. Then I laughed my ass off for a good 15 minutes.

I may have to make this happen... if only to prove that it's actually funny to people other than me.

In other news, Lucy is ridiculous. I was sitting on the couch with her the other day, and when I looked at her I was greeted by:

I laughed to myself, imagining that Lucy was sitting there for the past 10 minutes trying to get my attention with her dog brain, which would've sounded something like this:

"Mom! Mom, look at me! Mom, LOOK. My tail is a mustache! Hey, MOM. I mustache you a question! Hahaha! Mommmm, you aren't even looking!"

Then I turned to Lucy, and told her that her tail was not a mustache, and to quit screwing around. She rolled her eyes, sighed a little bit, and proceeded to spread out to the point of taking up a good 7/8 of the couch.

Jerkdog.







That's all for now. I have to go learn how to creatively edit two shows together (in order to prove that I'm more funny than totally mental), and keep my dog from making mustaches at me with her tail. It's going to be a very busy day.

<3,
-L

Glass hates me more than the printer at my office does.

I came home last week to find a HUGE, fuck-off branch in the bush in front of my house. On the ground, there were some lovely shards of glass from the top right corner of the picture window I have (I'm calling it a "picture window" because it sounds fancy, and the duplex I live in is anything but fancy, but I don't want to call it the "super cheap, but still made of glass instead of plastic even though the glass is 100 years old" window).

It had been storming worse than normal that day, and I guess the branch was first chewed to a breaking point by evil squirrels, in preparation for some upcoming battle, and then aimed poorly and launched into the window. Picture window, I mean. So I did what any responsible tenant would do. I called my creepy, potentially a serial killer of a landlord.

He had all kinds of questions (a lot of them I had to answer with the phrase, "I wasn't home when it happened, so I'm not sure,"). And then the questions became somewhat rude. "Well, did the branch of the tree just, um, fall directly into the window?" What the hell do you say to that? "No, actually the neighbors put up a trampoline, and a complicated system of pulleys and levers, and the branch fell into the bush, which was strangely coated with springs that must have bounced it into the pulleys and levers that pulled some mouse-trap type shit and caused the branch to land on the trampoline, where it was catapulted into the window. Clearly. Why would you even ask me that? You're the one who leased the front yard to the guys from Spy vs. Spy." Jerk.

He told me that he and his maintenance man, Willy, would come look at the window the next day and decide what to do about it (by the way, with my landlord being as old and bizarre as he is, I wouldn't be surprised if Willy was a cliche, darling old black man that calls the landlord Guv'nah and does his bidding. Like a mix between the stereotypical oppressed slave and a chimney sweep from old school London). Well, the note I was left after Landlord and Willy's initial inspection basically said, "Fuck you, you're full of shit, you clearly broke this window and don't want to pay the $35 for two single panes of glass and a caulk gun to fix it, you're a liar and I'll take an extra $50 added to your rent check this month, thank you."

Um, excuse me? Because I CLEARLY went outside with a ladder, bashed in the window (because according to the glass and where it fell, it wasn't broken from the inside), went looking for a giant dead branch, placed said branch in the bushes, and then decided to CALL YOU instead of fixing it myself, because I thought it would be funny?

You know what? That's totally what happened. Fucking asshole.