Zombies of the canine persuasion.

Holy hell, changes are exhausting.

I've recently quit my shady boring crap job as a(n) underpaid taken for granted unappreciated illegally compensated office manager, have started attending classes full-time at GSU, and am looking for a bartending job (though I have one that I should be able to start in October, fingers crossed). All of this change has just worn me the fuck out, so apologies for not being around as often.

I find myself jotting things down throughout the day that I want to discuss here, and yet I lack the time, energy, or mindset to expand upon them. Fortunately for me, I can write whatever the hell I want here, so suck it. Or just, you know, feel free to expand upon whatever yourself. See? I'm encouraging you to take some creative initiative. You're welcome.

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Upon discussing obscene and/or favorite phrases and slanderous names with a friend, one came up that I had never heard. 

*Side note: A few favorites of mine would be: "Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ," from The Blues Brothers; "ass-goblin" from my ridiculous childhood; "douche-canoe" from the darling Jenny, The Bloggess; and old reliable, "fuck," from my dad/grandparents when they're driving or watching football (okay, okay, Gram isn't one for cursing during football. And she usually only says "fuck" in the car if Grandpa is the one driving).*

It would seem the only reason I had never heard this turn of phrase was because I don't watch that comedian that people all love to hate... ugh... what the fuck is his name? He was in Waiting, and other nonsense. He's all loud... Okay, whatever. I can't think of his name off-hand and I'm already late leaving for dinner with my family, so you guys just guess and remind me. Anyway, the expression was "Satan's asshole." I found it wildly amusing, having never heard it before. Then my charming friend said they had one better. 

In keeping with the religious theme of Satan's asshole, he said his favorite offensive expression was, "Jesus Christ on a stick with BBQ sauce". As I sat there, visualizing Jesus Christ (or, at least, the most propagated image of him) on a stick, with Jack Daniel's BBQ sauce all over his nice linen robe and a horde of starving cannibals surrounding him (cannibals which may or may not have been zombies), I started wondering if that hadn't been the plan all along. The Romans were considered the masters of the known world, once upon a time. What if they wanted to eat Jesus, just because he was considered a deity? The idea isn't that off the wall, is it? I mean, we massage our cows. We eat things that are exotic or dangerous and potentially fatal just to prove that we're the most badass species (or so we think) on the planet. What if the Romans just wanted to taste the "lamb of God"?

"Yeah, it's funny because 'on a stick' is like the cross, you know, and then he's covered in BBQ sauce, heh heh heh," was the sentence that broke my concentration. 

Okay, I have to run to dinner and try to nonchalantly take a photo of my dad making a zombie face. It's a long story. I'll explain later.