No, I have not become a zombie. But my mind has been working on overdrive for the past week or so, so were I to ever encounter a zombie, I'm fairly certain that it would tell me I had the tastiest, most well-exercised brain ever. Or it would say something like, "Uuunnngggggnnnn."
**Okay, that's the only amusing thing I'm going to say in this post. So, you know, if that's why you're reading then you ought to stop while you're ahead. <3 **
I've been doing some serious looking inward over the past several days. My attitude needed an overhaul, and I really needed to find a way to jolt myself out of the depression and insecurity I've been sinking under.
I tend to be the kind of person that, if confronted with a bad situation, will turn off my emotions, handle whatever it is that needs handling, and then deal with how I felt about it after the fact. Thing is, when there are a thousand things going on around me that all need immediate attention or action, I get overwhelmed and retreat. Then I get depressed and feel like a failure for not being able to do what needs to be done. And then I get more upset, and it turns into this horrific downward spiral. Eventually something gives, and I pause, look around me, and see that there aren't as many things to handle as I originally thought. I then pull myself up by those cliche bootstraps (despite the fact that I wouldn't recognize a bootstrap if it bit me in the ass). And then, slowly but surely, I get my shit together.
This happens to me maybe once a year. But it's exhausting. This year, though, is the first time I've had a significant other around that has had to deal with the process. I was forced to see what was happening through someone else's eyes. Let me tell you, it looks almost as shitty from the outside as it does from the inside. So I've spent some time trying to figure out how to overcome this retarded nonsense. I'm stronger than this crap, and I know that. The hard part is forcing myself to remember it in the midst of the chaos. And the self-doubt. And the frustration. It's basically like a whirly-dervish pity party.
I've been taking stock of my life, doing some problem solving, and trying to set little goals for the upcoming few months. I'm doing things for me, instead of avoiding things because of anxiety about other people. I'm doing a lot of reading on how to be a generally positive person. I'm telling my anxiety and racing mind to calm the fuck down and stop driving me crazy. And I'm starting to finally feel better. I don't ever want to be that scared, withdrawn, sad, mean, confused person again. Fortunately for me, I have the ability to be anything I want.
Well, except a zombie. Not that I want to be a zombie at the moment, or anything. But if I did, I wouldn't really be able to make that happen. I'd have to wait for the zombie apocalypse for that one. But I'm sure, eventually, even that will make the list of Things I Can Be if I Want (if One of Those Things was a Zombie).
P.S. I felt really dumb about not knowing what a bootstrap looks like. I mean, come on, there are so many different kinds of boot, and a lot of them have something strap-like on them, somewhere. Anyway, I asked The Great and Powerful Internet to please share with me what a bonafide bootstrap might look like. And, as per usual, The Great and Powerful Internet shared with me its wisdom. BOOTSTRAP.
**Okay, that's the only amusing thing I'm going to say in this post. So, you know, if that's why you're reading then you ought to stop while you're ahead. <3 **
I've been doing some serious looking inward over the past several days. My attitude needed an overhaul, and I really needed to find a way to jolt myself out of the depression and insecurity I've been sinking under.
I tend to be the kind of person that, if confronted with a bad situation, will turn off my emotions, handle whatever it is that needs handling, and then deal with how I felt about it after the fact. Thing is, when there are a thousand things going on around me that all need immediate attention or action, I get overwhelmed and retreat. Then I get depressed and feel like a failure for not being able to do what needs to be done. And then I get more upset, and it turns into this horrific downward spiral. Eventually something gives, and I pause, look around me, and see that there aren't as many things to handle as I originally thought. I then pull myself up by those cliche bootstraps (despite the fact that I wouldn't recognize a bootstrap if it bit me in the ass). And then, slowly but surely, I get my shit together.
This happens to me maybe once a year. But it's exhausting. This year, though, is the first time I've had a significant other around that has had to deal with the process. I was forced to see what was happening through someone else's eyes. Let me tell you, it looks almost as shitty from the outside as it does from the inside. So I've spent some time trying to figure out how to overcome this retarded nonsense. I'm stronger than this crap, and I know that. The hard part is forcing myself to remember it in the midst of the chaos. And the self-doubt. And the frustration. It's basically like a whirly-dervish pity party.
I've been taking stock of my life, doing some problem solving, and trying to set little goals for the upcoming few months. I'm doing things for me, instead of avoiding things because of anxiety about other people. I'm doing a lot of reading on how to be a generally positive person. I'm telling my anxiety and racing mind to calm the fuck down and stop driving me crazy. And I'm starting to finally feel better. I don't ever want to be that scared, withdrawn, sad, mean, confused person again. Fortunately for me, I have the ability to be anything I want.
Well, except a zombie. Not that I want to be a zombie at the moment, or anything. But if I did, I wouldn't really be able to make that happen. I'd have to wait for the zombie apocalypse for that one. But I'm sure, eventually, even that will make the list of Things I Can Be if I Want (if One of Those Things was a Zombie).
P.S. I felt really dumb about not knowing what a bootstrap looks like. I mean, come on, there are so many different kinds of boot, and a lot of them have something strap-like on them, somewhere. Anyway, I asked The Great and Powerful Internet to please share with me what a bonafide bootstrap might look like. And, as per usual, The Great and Powerful Internet shared with me its wisdom. BOOTSTRAP.
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